Top Ten Stupidest College Tour Questions

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Your first impression of college life usually comes from a tour of the campus (or, alternatively, a viewing of “Animal House”). It’s your first impression of the buildings, the students, the classrooms—everything that makes college what it is. So it’s important to ask the right questions when you’re on a tour…

…the trouble is, there’s always that one person on your tour that asks all the wrong questions about college. DormDelicious has meticulously compiled a list of ten ridiculous, over-the-top questions that have been asked on college campuses for your reading pleasure.

Number 10: “If I put food in the communal kitchen fridge, will someone steal it?”

Yes. Moving on.

Number 9: “Where do students go to argue?”

In my experience, they go right outside your room at 3 a.m. on Monday nights to argue. But seriously, I have yet to find any college campus in America that has any designated “argue rooms.”

Number 8: “What’s the toilet paper like here?”

Remember shop class? Remember sand paper? Yeah, it’s like that.

Number 7: “Do students have time to party?”

When asked this question, most tour guides revert back to the Cardinal Rule of College: You ALWAYS Have Time To Party.

Number 6: “I heard the food is good here, is that true?”

Unless you’re going to Chef Yummy’s College For Delicious Foods, it’s probably false. College cafeteria food is often experimental, and almost always excremental.

Number 5: “Where would I go to have private conversation with someone?”

First of all, you can just forget about privacy when you get to college. With your roommate bonking his girlfriend 4 feet away from your desk, your communal bathrooms with the flimsy shower curtains and your bajillion person lecture hall, you will find privacy has become a thing of the past. So go ahead and have that private conversation—just know it’ll be heard by at least 5 other people (4 of whom will be complete strangers).

Number 4: “Are professors allowed to date students?”

Of course not! What a stupid question! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go see Professor N. about a hickey…I mean, term paper.

Number 3: “Is there much bleak rain here?”

If your college is located north of Virginia and east of the Mississippi, the answer to this question is: “Bleak rain is the only weather we get here. On the off chance it’s not raining, it’s snowing. And the snow is bleak. If, miraculously, there is sunshine, guess what?—it’s bleak too.”

Number 2: “Is there an a capella group on campus?”

There are at least two a capella groups on every campus in the United States. A capella groups are everywhere you look. They’re performing in lecture halls, on greens, and occasionally outside your window. One particular college has a yearly festival called “A Capella ‘Till You Puke” (a pretty appropriately-titled festival, if you ask me).

Number 1: “Do students drink here?”

AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Did we forget something? Leave a comment with the silliest tour questions you’ve heard!

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